More Awards!

It’s now time for the 2nd annual Paddy Awards. There are a few new ones, but mostly old one’s on the menu today, as we look back on the political year:

The Worst Lie of the Year Award goes to...
Alaska Governor Sarah Palin, for her statement-which she reiterated for circa eleven times, according to MSNBC’s First Read, after she was “unveiled” as the vice presidential nominee for the Republican Party-that “I said to Congress, ‘Thanks, but no thanks,’ on that Bridge to Nowhere,” that infamous Ted Stevens and Don Young-endorsed bridge that would span from Gravina Island (population: 50) to Ketchikan International Airport to replace a ferry-oh, and it would cost a whopping $398 million. The problem here is that Candidate Palin in 2006 was FOR THE BRIDGE TO NOWHERE, stating at a debate, “I would like to see Alaska's infrastructure projects built sooner rather than later. The window is now – while our congressional delegation is in a strong position to assist.” A month earlier, Candidate Palin wore a shirt saying “Nowhere, Alaska 99901”, the zip code being the zip code of the Ketchikan area. The first flip-flop of many in what would become a death knell to the McCain campaign.

The New Kid On The Block Award goes to...
Al Franken! Perhaps this award is premature, but while not being a senator officially, Candidate Franken has been able to present a campaign that, while not without its controversy (issues on paying back taxes to the IRS, an article in Playboy degrading to women), has allowed for a comedian-of all things-to possibly win an election. A man who once wrote a book about a possible presidential campaign entitled Why Not Me?, Franken has shown strong political views on environmental reform, an income tax that helps the common worker, marriage rights for all-including same-sex couples-and a well-needed promise to our Constitution in the form of a “quickie impeachment.” Most importantly, however, he and incumbent Senator Norm Coleman have shown the need for election reform, showing the dos and don’ts of how to decide an election.

The “Don’t Let the Door Hit You Where the Good Lord Split You” Award is shared by...
Eliot Spitzer and Rod Blagojevich! The dynamic duo of detestable leaders brought to light the murky nature of Albany and Chicago politics, filled with “pay-to-play,” the “Bear Mountain Compact” that reporters won’t talk of fornication north of the New York landmark, the sale of the Senate seat of the next president of the United States, the blackmailing of Bill Gates and Warren Buffet, and the “Emperor’s VIP Club.” Bye-bye, governors! Enjoy prison...

Honorable Mention to Ted Stevens, for his ethics conviction and subsequent senatorial defeat, adding insult to injury. He probably won’t enjoy prison like the aforementioned two, instead getting to enjoy his repaired-free-by-VECO Alaska home.

The Bush Scandal of the Year Award goes to...
The President’s massive destruction of civil liberties and global charters in the form of suspension of habeas corpus, use of “enhanced” (i.e. corporal punishment) ways to gain (mostly false) intelligence, and application of mercenaries (i.e. KBR, Blackwater) in his war in Iraq to run amok killing innocent civilians, that in total merit not only impeachment and conviction, but war crimes and crimes of aggression at The Hague, the Netherlands, at the International Criminal Court.

The Political Comic Relief Award goes to...
British PM Gordon Brown! The following video speaks for itself-click the link!


The Political Relief from Comedy Award goes to...
Clarence Thomas! According to a study by the Yale Law Review, Thomas is the unfunniest Supreme Court justice, in that he produced zero instances of laughter in the Court’s transcripts. The reason for this is that he hasn’t asked a question in THREE YEARS! What has he done the last three years? Nobody knows...

And a Special Editor’s Award for Civility in Recounting goes to...
The Minnesota Canvassing Board, of course! After the first day of its rapid judgment of the plethora of challenges of ballots, the best line of the entire campaign was spoken-“Milk and cookies at 9 AM.” Compared to a 2000 circus in which people were rioting in the Canvassing Board offices, screaming “Let us in! Let us in!”, a time for milk and cookies is well needed.

Happy New Year, everyone. Milk and cookies.